Tapiocadas, the médium that you wish to be.

 

Few days ago, I dreamed of La Doña, days after she passed away. This dream happened one day before her birthday and in this dream I felt that she was trying to tell me something or she was trying to play with me... although the dream was a bit rough and spooky. Near the end of the dream, I was talking to an old man (I couldn’t realize who was) and I was trying to explain to him that my dead grandmother was trying to talk with me, and I asked him: what do you think about talking to dead people?

He replies: if some soul, phantom, ghost or dead wants to talk with you… maybe you just need to listen to them no matter if it’s a dream or reality. After that phrase I woke up scared and after one minute I started to feel grateful. Unfortunately, I didn’t visit her that week because I didn’t want to take my children to the cemetery, I have never seen any child there as far I can remember. and the only day that I was available to go I created excuses to postpone it.  

That was 1 months ago, and until now I went to the graveyard to visit her tomb and clean the stone where her name is written. I used a bottle of water and a little red brush; this bottle was filled at my house because in the graveyard is very difficult to get water due there is no hose or any tap from the water tubes. I just spend 5 minutes removing the dirt, earth and mud from the stone and when i finished one old person close to me asking what kind of chemical I was using to clean:

- Just water and brush hard, I answered.

-     -- Oh ok, I used a sandpaper but i want to know if there is something easier. After said this he leaves with his companion, I believe he born in Sinaloa for the kind of accent which he spoke.

 After this I went to clean the tomb from my older sister grandma alias “Concha” where my uncle Santos is also buried, and for them I had a gold spray to paint the edge of their stone because it looked very pale and dirty. Also, with a tiny paintbrush I remarked the name of my uncle because was very blurry almost unreadable.

While doing this, I checked that I was not doing this correctly in a professional way, there was a lot of mistakes that I noticed halfway through the process like wrong paint outside of the letter border and the spray took paint from inside of the stone border. I thought “if anyone noticed this could maybe ask me if it had been irresponsible to work in this way”, but this didn’t stop me until I finished and my conscience told me: if someone have something to say about your job, then ask why them didn’t nothing about renovate this stone…

The third tomb that I visited was from my aunt Sandra, Concha’s daughter, whom I didn’t spend much time with because the tomb was clean and decorated. “Maybe for Mother’s Day” I thought.

That night I had another dream, but the details are so blurry in my mind, I just remember been in my aunt Concha’s house and she was standing on the kitchen behind a table while I watched her from the living room. Then my uncle santos appear sitting in a reclinable sofa and gets up to give a big hug, I remember that I couldn’t wrap him with my arms, so it makes me think that I was kid in that moment. The hug was so real to me that makes me remain that he always smells like sweat.

Then I was in my grandma’s house and there was a brown rug in the floor, I remember that carpet only existed when I was a child, the scenario was like Christmas eve and I don’t remember seen my grandmother or another person in the room, but she was as if hidden calling me by my name, the voice guide me out of the house where I found a toy train playing in the air, with light in the windows and with that specific sound of choo-choo that trains make. If you looked carefully like a kid trying to find the trick, you could see a shadow silhouette holding it in the dark night.